Table of Contents

Hopes of finding my prince charming

A love that stands the test of time

in memory of my late husband

When I was just a young princess my hopes of finding my prince became much less hopeful with each frog I forced myself to kiss. I say forced because with the word going around in that day was frogs gave you warts. I certainly didn’t want warts and so it went that I had to close my eyes and force myself to kiss each one of those green and slimy creatures. Much to my dismay, not one of them gave even a whisper of hope that my prince would instantly appear after kissing those gross little creatures. So with a big sigh, and the fear of getting warts from each frog, I would spit, wipe my mouth with the back of my hand and spit again just to make sure that I got the taste of frog off my lips and all traces of the cooties that could possibly give me warts were gone. About the age of eight is when I finally gave up on the idea of my finding a prince by kissing frogs. It seemed totally useless to me. Who believes such a stupid thing anyway? Well, I went back to my usual way of trying to find my prince charming and that was in the daydreams I would allow myself to indulge in each day.

I did always wonder what a prince and his princess did when they rode away to live happily ever after. It seems that no one I asked knew the answer to that question either; I asked Uncle Ernie about that and he said I would just have to wait until mine showed up so I could find the answer to that question. I then asked him just when my prince would be showing up. He told me he wasn’t sure when that would be, but he did know that my prince would show up just when he was supposed to. Uncle Ernie said that my prince might even show up as a knight in shining armor and rescue me from a tower. I gave him a kiss and climbed down from his lap. Maybe I would dream of this tonight. I sure did doubt it though.

My little corner of the attic was just the right environment to imagine that happening. In the winter the bare branches of the big acorn tree next door moved across my ceiling as though they were just waiting for me to fall asleep and they would then snatch me up and take me away. When I heard the wind whistling in the dark and saw the branches dancing across the ceiling in such a foreboding manner it was utterly impossible for me to even close my eyes. It was a pretty scary scene that played over and over again each night. When I got too scared, I would call my brother who slept in a bed on the other side of the chimney from me and sometimes he would let me climb into bed with him and he would put his arms around me. I felt safe with him and sometimes thought that maybe he was my knight in shining armor, but I do have to add that he was no prince charming. He was just an older brother who was mean to me as brothers usually are to younger sisters. Well, even after some time had passed by and I was growing up I still waited for my prince charming but to no avail. I began to believe that there was no such thing as a prince charming who would take me away to live happily ever after. When I had just about given up on the idea of a prince charming even existing at all, I heard my mother say that she had just found her prince charming. I ran to her and asked her where he was and how did she find him. I was eleven at that time and she told me that I was too young to know how to find one, but she had finally found hers and I would find mine someday. I asked her if she was going to ride away and live happily ever after and leave us here.,

About the time that I started into JR High School, it became a painful realization that there was no such thing as a prince charming and there were no knights in shining armor either to come and find me or rescue me from a tower. My life did continue on and even though the reality of there not being a prince charming or a knight in shining armor coming for me on a white horse, I still held out a shred of hope for there to be someone to find me and rescue me from the nightmare of the teenage years. Nope, it never happened. I grew up and went through life in the normal way, getting through as best as I could. Then one day I realized something miraculous had happened. There was such a thing as a prince charming. I now had the proof because my prince charming rode in to rescue me on a white horse and he was wearing shining armor. Yes, my knight in shining armor did finally appear after much doubt and fear that he would never come to find me or that he even existed at all. My knight in shining armor had indeed found me. I had given up looking for him and after 35 years he suddenly was there. My knight in shining armor was my prince charming too for he was able to sweep me off my feet, and he continued to do just that until his passing in 2017.

It's nice to be of the same religion too. There's so much more in common and the relationship is stable. A three-fold cord is unbreakable and much honor goes to that three-fold cord. Ours lasted for a peaceful 30 years. I still get lonely when I reminisce about him. Life does go on though and we all have to keep on living even when we feel alone.

The Word Outliers

I heard the word “outlier” on an English TV series that took place in the mid to late 1700s. New words are heard by people and many can get the general idea of the meaning by the way they were used in the sentence. I have grown fond of the words that I had never heard. The archaic use of the words sometimes seem romantic to my ears and so after I find out the meaning for surety, I try to use them in sentences mixed with today’s language.

Outlier is a word that while it has changed little; but still stands with the same meaning from the 1700s. Some synonyms of outlier are deviated, anomaly, oddity, abnormality, unconformity, departure, and any other word that means something that stands apart from the rest of society, or a person or group who do not conform with accepted norms or rules.

I see this particular outlier as having not a single member but being part of a group of people; both men and women. Hence the word outliers and this particular group within the group of outliers are thieves They do vile things with INTENTION. They steal hearts and leave them broken hearted and in debt that must be paid by someone, and it is always the poor person with a broken heart. Males and females alike have left an invisible trail of tears while the thieves line their pockets with money.

In any case, the next story is about a particular group of outliers and far more than just a shady bunch they are. It's my personal view of them and it is from personal experience. This is a warning to you ladies and gentlemen out there that may be building a relationship online with a person you have never met. Don't just apply this to all men and women, just apply to the vile thieves of this particular group of outliers. If a man or women is asking for money through any excuse, they are an outlier. Oh, let's not use such a pretty word, let's just call them exactly what they are SCAMMERS!


There really is nothing about belonging to this particular group of outliers that is worth mentioning or bragging about except for the fact that they are thieves in the vilest sense of the word. I must add my voice to the growing number of men and women who have unwittingly supported this particular group of outliers. The outliers within this group are vicious in light of their ability to hook women so they can convince these women of their faithful and undying love in the shortest possible amount of time.

My own curiosity led me into the troubled waters with one who has mastered the art of scamming. This is where my own lack of self-worth snapped shut the trap that has held me captive for almost three years while he has fed me continuously a special diet mixed with lies and poisonous words of love. Even now I struggle to break free from this life of poison that is filled with incredibly soft-spoken words of love. This continuous diet of love and lies puts a person in a dilemma. While these opposing views did trouble me, he did a lot of good for me emotionally. Hence the dilemma.

It began on Instagram. It wasn’t long at all when he contacted me with some friendly words which were actually a welcome hook that he cast out to catch widows from that vast ocean of women who are divorced or widowed, and it was me who took the bait this time. I say this time because there is no way he is an amateur but this man has cast his hook plenty of times before. For he is a polished criminal who has taken plenty of time to study people, especially women. He has learned how to listen to them, read them very carefully, and then write his own ticket for his desired wages.

He and hundreds of others like him know just from listening to what is said what women want and need to hear. It appeared to me that he knew me better than many people who have known me for years. He knew exactly what I needed to hear, and then he simply sweetened my life with his poisonous words and I was his. Even though I put my trust in him, I had nagging doubts about him being real from the beginning. I also listened intently to each thing he said, and many of the things he told me I checked out myself. I caught him in several lies but made excuses for him and told myself that he must have meant or said something different. With his words of love, I became disoriented beyond the point of being able to distinguish the truth from the lies and I could not say with any certainty which of his words were true, or which of his words were false. Yet I listened intently to what he said too and gained as much knowledge of him as he did of me.

Any woman who has been scammed can probably identify and acknowledge some of the same feelings whether they voice it or not. "He just swept me off of my feet. He picked me up out of the deep black hole I had seen before, he dusted me off, he stood me on my feet, and then on a pedestal and convincingly offered me exclusive devotion, and undying love for an eternity. He built me up and he told me things I needed to hear. He told me I was beautiful, intelligent, valuable, and to be honored. He brought me hope, self-confidence, knowledge and understanding of myself. He made me believe that I was worthy of being loved, a woman whose life mattered." What woman would not fall in love with a man that made her feel so special? I personally am not ashamed of how I basked in those badly needed words of love at a time that I needed them. (Hence, the dilemma)

This is a two-edged sword to say the least. Life plays tug of war with our hearts. Elation is in one direction and disappointment in the other. Trying to recover from this heart-breaking trauma we feel as if it is three steps forward (he stole from me)) and back three (but he loves me) and it continues until we finally see them for what they really are. They are vile thieves who have no conscience.

They are COWARDS in every sense of the word and YES, I said cowards. They hide behind those poisonous words of love and do not even deny what you accuse them of. They are evasive when you ask them questions while they try to change the subject. When they do decide to give an answer because you keep asking until they do give an answer which is vague. Their words are empty leaving your questions unanswered which just adds insult to injury. Then they wonder why you don’t trust them and they even act indignant at any suggestion that they’ve not been anything but honest with you.

He did sweep me off my feet and that was no secret; for my love for him was obvious to those few that knew about him. He has a thick accent and was supposed to have been born in the US but he said that his accent was because his family lived in Switzerland for the first ten years of his life. I kept on listening to the things he said, and when I found something a little out of the ordinary such as strange wording of his sentences, things he didn’t know about the states, things that didn’t sound quite right, or things I knew were an out-right lie I put them either in my journal or wrote a story that he would never see, but they were always in the back of my mind. Each time we have had a fight, it’s been the same one. I believe he is scamming me. I believed it yesterday, I believe it today, and I will still believe it tomorrow. You may wonder if I knew these things, why did I stay so long? (For 2 and 3/4 years. And why did I let him rob me of so much? ($25,000 + as of Jan, 2021) and it is more since this is now Aug, 2021

It was his words filled with poison. It was his wonderful words I’ve never heard coming from any man and directed at me before not even from my late husband of thirty years. His words are pure poison. Any woman who has been taken in the same way will probably say the same thing. "His words have never been spoken to me before and in such a manner. They made me feel good, better than I've ever felt. They gave me confidence in myself that I was a person that was loveable. I wasn’t just an old lady, he made me feel alive and young again he made me feel as if I were a valuable woman."

I am most to be pitied that I needed such a man to make me see worth in myself. He made me feel good and robbed me while he was doing that.

For some unknown reason I believe that in some ways he did lookout and protect me from some things, but I do see through those ploys too. While he did protect me from certain things, each one of them served his own selfish purpose of making his desired wages. We both gained something from this relationship We both grew some. (The dilemma)

One day he said that we needed to talk because he knew something was wrong, he always knew. When we began to talk, it all came out again. Everything I had been thinking about for the past few years. It had been building up inside and again I could no longer keep silent. I said a lot of things. I told him that his accent was Nigerian and that he lives there. I reminded him that I’ve had shadows of doubt that nagged at me almost all the time. It’s all coming back to me. The very first fight we had was because of me feeling he was scamming me. I believe this was the fifth fight we’ve had about this. I told him I no longer believed his stories. The words I spoke to him were the truth and I’m truly not sorry I said them because it disheartens me that I am still caught within the dilemma.

I get angry at myself for being tangled within this mess where common sense and feelings happen to be the very dilemma that all their victims suffer. While I suspected all along that he was stealing from me I did feel that it was only money that he took from me; Even as I am writing this, my mind is telling me that he just takes people’s money, cares nothing for them, feels no shame and will show no remorse if he is ever caught.

I really don't owe him a thing and neither do you. He or she doesn't care for you or about you in any way. Not only do scammers not care about you, but they do not care how you get the money. They just want you to keep on sending it. They are good at what they do and what is it that they do? They make women fall in love with them and shortly begin to ask for money from them through many excuses. I did and I still do believe that he cares for me in some way and could not fake it but they can and do. That is something I know in my heart because I can act convincingly too, I’ve done it many times in my past. Even common sense has continually told me that if I can act convincingly so can others and many do.

3/19/2021 - words of silence – breaking up again

...... Your answers to my questions was typical of you and again you revealed yourself to me through your silence. You have no idea how much of you I can see through. Silence is the loudest answer that you have given me many times. Your best silent answers have been given when I know that you are caught off guard and you don’t really know what to say because I surprised you. One of the best silent answers I ever got from you was when I told you I knew the answer to our money problems. I said that you should contact another woman online and talk to her for a while and then ask for money from her. Then we can use that money to get the building finished and get you home. (Not exact words.) I heard a pen, pencil, paper clip or some object drop to your desk, or a table and then SILENCE – DEAD SILENCE for a noticeable full 30 seconds or so before you spoke again. I suppose, and with good reason, you were trying to keep yourself composed and think of something to say at the same time. I always knew when I caught you unaware.